Dazed in Diva Smoke...the journey continues

Today we had a weigh in for the show and I was worried about what the scale would say or wouldn’t say for that matter. My stomach felt like it was in knots, and I was a little anxious, though I hate to admit that. Now, keep in mind that I did not cheat these past 2 weeks,nor did I work out with my trainer as we usually do, but I did step up my cardio and I have incorporated more running within my workouts. So when last night, I tried on a dress that I used to have to wear with a BODY MAGIC….and the dress was literally falling off of me and I had two handfuls of fabric on either side of me, I WAS EXCITED! I mean, I have pictures of me in that dress (my profile pic) I just KNEW that I had lost at least 4 to 5 lbs. I even brought the dress in to the studio so that I could show the other ladies on the show my progress, I MEAN, I WAS EXCITED! When Luca, my trainer came in, I showed him, thinking okay, he is FINALLY going to see my progress. However, I was SOOO surprised when, the first thing out of his mouth was, “That dress looks like it fits perfectly”, my heart dropped.I was so frustrated, that I said nothing and just left out of the room to change back in my clothes. I then put on my earphones and got the ipod and went outside…I had to center myself. I couldn’t believe what he just said to me…so when it was time to weigh in, I knew that If hadn’t met our goal. my trainer was gonna be disappointed. Needless to say, I only 2 lbs. Luca, my trainer was not happy, and neither was I. When I went back in he room where the other ladies were, they asked me how much I lost, I told them, with a somber face. Everybody was like, but you LOST 2 LBS….and I thought about it. I DID JUST LOSE 2 LBS!!!! I didn’t GAIN weight…I didn’t STAY THE SAME weight…I LOST 2 LBS...A dress that I can no longer wear, not because It is too TIGHT, but because it is too LOOSE, should be a celebration. I should feel GOOD about that…but instead I write this note…in attempts to capture why is was I agreed to this journey in the first place….THIS IS ABOUT ME! FIRST, LAST AND ONLY! I have decided to to CELEBRATE ME, I have decided that what I THINK, is more important THAN WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS…..I am 2 lbs closer to MY GOAL…..I am the ONLY ONE that has to wear MY CLOTHES...I am the ONLY ONE, who has to live in my body. And since that is he case……I WILL CONTINUE TO DO THIS FOR ME. Not for the show…not for my trainer, not for my parents…ONLY FOR ME…. and guess what yall….I LOST 2 LBS TODAY!!!! AJ

RT @honeylarochelle: I should mention the beautiful women with me r @antoniajenae and @jossstone Sent from LaLa Land http://t.co/OeraXR9D

Photo: mishalmoorebloggyblog: http://t.co/XJUVRX2x

<3 this! music so excellent i just happily paid $10 it @bandcamp: http://t.co/VhIt6Pj